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Topic Title: Top 8 Morons
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Created On: 03/08/2021 02:17 PM
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 03/08/2021 02:17 PM
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dingpatch

Posts: 19032
Joined Forum: 07/24/2003

TOP 8 MORONS
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

Police in Oakland , CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'


3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT?

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot,' the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?

A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart,' 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No,' the man shouted, 'this is her husband!'

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! I

n Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

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Dora Hates You
 03/09/2021 06:38 AM
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RustyTruck

Posts: 33298
Joined Forum: 08/02/2004

Boomer humor, reminds me of Reader's Digest. Good stuff.

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Capitalism is based on the ridiculous notion that you can enjoy limitless growth in a closed, finite system.

In biology, such behavior of cells is called "cancer".
 03/09/2021 07:42 AM
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StirfryMcflurry

Posts: 8746
Joined Forum: 08/17/2016

Went to school in Antelope Valley. Right next to Lake Isabella, and also home of Frank Zappa and friends!
 03/10/2021 07:34 AM
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johnnyboy

Posts: 25071
Joined Forum: 07/22/2003

#5. I can see that.

I had a professional gambler that was in jail for some pawnshop and theft charges. While in, he was charged with taking a pair of diamond earrings from Macy's in boca valued at 90k. The thief was wearing a hat, sunglasses and had a beard. He was handed the earrings and ran off with them. While in jail, he pointed out the obvious weaknesses in the identification. Anyone could be wearing a hat, glasses and beard and there's nothing unique about that. And another thing, the sign on the display said that all jewelry was 50% off so the real value of the diamonds should be 45k.



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"One of the reasons why propaganda tries to get you to hate government is because it's the one existing institution in which people can participate to some extent and constrain tyrannical unaccountable power." Noam Chomsky.

 03/19/2021 04:25 AM
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worksuxgetsponsered

Posts: 8728
Joined Forum: 01/19/2005

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

Police in Oakland , CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'


I'd buy this dude a beer.

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Specializing in sarcasm and condescending rhetoric since 1971.
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