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Topic Title: Joke of the day
Topic Summary: You want/need a laugh? This thread keeps getting better and better!!!
Created On: 04/29/2009 07:25 PM
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 04/18/2013 11:15 AM
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McLean

Posts: 2340
Joined Forum: 09/19/2012



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 04/22/2013 10:59 AM
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Zeus

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Joined Forum: 07/25/2003

A priest and a rabbi are quietly sitting next to each other on a plane each tending to their scriptures.  The rabbi pauses for a minute as if in deep thought.  >>

Then after a moment he says to the priest "Tell me father is it still a requirement that members of the Catholic priesthood maintain lifelong celibacy?">>

"Aye, it tis.  It is our sworn oath" replies the priest.>>

"That's a pity" says the rabbi, and they both quietly continue their reading.>>

A little while later the priest says "Rabbi is it also still a requirement of your faith not to eat pork?">>

"It certainly is.  It is the word of God." responds the rabbi and each goes on reading again.>>

After quite some time the rabbi pauses from his studies again and says "Father I don't mean to pry into your faith but...">>

"Please by all means." says the priest.  "We are both honest men of the cloth with nothing to hide.">>

So the rabbi continues "I was simply wondering if you've ever given into temptation of the flesh and strayed from your convictions?">>

"Aye, only once at my first parish, may the lord forgive me.  I was young and she was such a lovely lass that I simply could not withstand the temptation. " he replies.>>

The rabbi quietly chuckles to himself as if suppressing a deep belly laugh and says "Sure beats the hell out of a ham sandwich doesn't it?"
 06/06/2013 02:32 PM
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McLean

Posts: 2340
Joined Forum: 09/19/2012

An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes".

"How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?"

"I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy.

"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big is your club?"

The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us"



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 06/13/2013 09:28 AM
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acrorrusd

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Joined Forum: 12/11/2003

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.

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RUSS-D'S PHOTOGRAPHY
Suncoast Surfrider
 06/20/2013 11:40 AM
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Zeus

Posts: 1370
Joined Forum: 07/25/2003

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife screams at him as his friend listens in. "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?">>

"Because he's thinking of getting married.">>

 08/22/2013 11:09 AM
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bus

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Joined Forum: 10/01/2007

A bear walks into a bar, and goes and sits at the table. The bartender says "What'll it be?." The bear replys, "I will have a................beer." The bartender askes "Why the big pause?" Then the bear responds, "Oh, I was born with em'

 08/22/2013 03:18 PM
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kookyak

Posts: 65
Joined Forum: 03/16/2007

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and orders a beer.

The  bartender says, “We don’t serve beers to bears in bars in Billings.”

The bear is furious.  “Do you see that woman at the end of the bar?  If you don’t serve me a beer right now, I’m going to go over there and eat her!”

The bartender says, “Do as you will.  We don’t serve beers to bears in bars in Billings.”

The enraged bear roars down to the end of the bar and gobbles the woman right up.

He saunters back over to the bartender and smugly says, “Now are you gonna give me a beer?”

The bartender says, “We don’t serve beers to bears in bars in Billings on drugs.”

“On drugs?!” the bear says.  “I’m not on drugs!”

To which the bartender replies, “Yes you are. That was a bar bitch you ate.”

 03/13/2020 08:13 PM
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RegularJoe

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Joined Forum: 11/20/2011

Bump to resurrect a good old thread, 6.5 years later
 03/14/2020 11:23 AM
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johnnyboy

Posts: 18726
Joined Forum: 07/22/2003

Thank you. God rest Mama G's soul too.

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"One of the reasons why propaganda tries to get you to hate government is because it's the one existing institution in which people can participate to some extent and constrain tyrannical unaccountable power." Noam Chomsky.

 12/23/2020 05:53 AM
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jdbman

Posts: 11296
Joined Forum: 07/28/2003

Me: Doctor, I'm scared. I can't stop singing "Delilah"!

Doctor: Sounds like you've got Tom Jones Syndrome.

Me: Is that rare?

Doctor: It's Not Unusual.

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So if you are a surfer I wish you the prosperity that allows you more time to pursue the salt water dream, and the true happiness that comes from warm water, clean waves and the companionship of your fellow surfers. If you are an internet troll just spewing bs then f off.
 12/23/2020 06:30 PM
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Cole

Posts: 50389
Joined Forum: 07/22/2003

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one looks at the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"
 12/23/2020 07:16 PM
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SlimyBritches

Posts: 4906
Joined Forum: 01/08/2016

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Trump never had a garbanzo bean on his face before.
 12/23/2020 07:56 PM
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fishkller

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Joined Forum: 11/13/2016


Q: What does a deadhead say when he runs out of pot?

A: Man, this music sucks...

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 12/24/2020 06:02 AM
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garcia

Posts: 1085
Joined Forum: 03/12/2007

garcia says - Funny, but, only if the radio is playing Steeley Dan or Boston or Kansas Doobie Bros or... when he says it. I haven't been stoned in decades and the Dead are still it, esp the early/mid 70s.
 12/24/2020 06:04 AM
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garcia

Posts: 1085
Joined Forum: 03/12/2007

I forgot to say that I am happy this thread has been revived. Good for a laugh most days.

Merry Christmas to all!
FORUMS : NPNR : Joke of the day

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